Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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