The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
