Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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