i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
