I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
