I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
