DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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