see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
