Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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