More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
