you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
