Will you blow on my dice?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
