apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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