then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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