I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
