I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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