i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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