Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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