I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
