The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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