you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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