just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
