my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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