Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
