dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
