Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
