I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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