Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
