DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
