I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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