if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
