I must be too annoying 4 u.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize