The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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