You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
