The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
