We're facebook friends in real life
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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