piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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