Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
