dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
