he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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