after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
