my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
