My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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