Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize