He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I understand Curling. That high.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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