Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
