i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
