Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
