thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
