the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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