just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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