so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
