im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
