This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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