after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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