Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
