and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
