bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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