And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
