i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
