I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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