Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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