A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
