I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
