Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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