That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
