So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
